Hello everyone. I've read several posts here, and everyone seems well rounded and actually intelligent. I'm not going to give you a lot of fluff, but this is my situation:
My ex-husband is suing me for custody of my children. Why post in this forum, you might ask. Well, his main basis for taking me to court is that I am a witch, and he's going to "prove" that I belong to a cult, and that my religious practices are harmful to our children.
This whole process is devastating and fills me with the most extreme terror.
I'm not at all in the closet, on the contrary, most of our small farming community knows exactly how I beleive and I have an online busness offering to cast for the public - no flaming please, I know it's a bit ludicrous, but at least I have some standards, oh hell...that's another topic anyway. My ex says that he's going to use the media to show that he's a christian upstanding police officer, and I'm a satanist witch, and he's trying to get custody of his children - ain't that sweet? My children both wish to stay with me, they are 11 & 14, because he is verbally abusive on a regular basis. He says things like "So, will you kids be summoning demons from hell this Easter?" and he calls our daughter "fat", and tells my son not to come running to him when he "knocks up his first little slut".
Anyway, my attorney says that I have everything on my side, I'm the primary parent with full custody now, my ex signed all religious rights of the children over to me two years ago, and I've been pagan for about 6 years, two years before our divorce. Also, he NEVER sees the kids, even though he's supposed to see them on his days off. My kids call him all the time to ask when they can see him, and he makes promises but never delivers. He's a real jerk that way.
Anyway, the ACLU does not assist in child custody cases. My local community is bible belt conservative christian, and my ex is a police officer that actually knows and works regularly with the judge.
I'm terrified, even though my attorney says I've got it in the bag.
If anyone can offer a kind word, advice, or a phone number to call for pagan legal advice, I'd be so very grateful. Thank you for reading this, and many blessings to you all.
Vashti
My ex-husband is suing me for custody of my children. Why post in this forum, you might ask. Well, his main basis for taking me to court is that I am a witch, and he's going to "prove" that I belong to a cult, and that my religious practices are harmful to our children.
This whole process is devastating and fills me with the most extreme terror.
I'm not at all in the closet, on the contrary, most of our small farming community knows exactly how I beleive and I have an online busness offering to cast for the public - no flaming please, I know it's a bit ludicrous, but at least I have some standards, oh hell...that's another topic anyway. My ex says that he's going to use the media to show that he's a christian upstanding police officer, and I'm a satanist witch, and he's trying to get custody of his children - ain't that sweet? My children both wish to stay with me, they are 11 & 14, because he is verbally abusive on a regular basis. He says things like "So, will you kids be summoning demons from hell this Easter?" and he calls our daughter "fat", and tells my son not to come running to him when he "knocks up his first little slut".
Anyway, my attorney says that I have everything on my side, I'm the primary parent with full custody now, my ex signed all religious rights of the children over to me two years ago, and I've been pagan for about 6 years, two years before our divorce. Also, he NEVER sees the kids, even though he's supposed to see them on his days off. My kids call him all the time to ask when they can see him, and he makes promises but never delivers. He's a real jerk that way.
Anyway, the ACLU does not assist in child custody cases. My local community is bible belt conservative christian, and my ex is a police officer that actually knows and works regularly with the judge.
I'm terrified, even though my attorney says I've got it in the bag.
If anyone can offer a kind word, advice, or a phone number to call for pagan legal advice, I'd be so very grateful. Thank you for reading this, and many blessings to you all.
Vashti
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Re: Asking for help and advice
Sat, September 8, 2007 - 12:29 AMI hate to be the barer of bad news but it is never in the bag when dealing with judges
this ex is and probly ben takeing note and reading emails and gathering a case for some
time so be vary carefull what you say to him and in court and whatch out for psyic evaluations hill try and make you look unstabal becouse of your gifts my ex girle frend went though this and her ex new the judge to and she got totaly hosed so be carfull and wise with these tipe of people its all about winning they could give a shit about the kids and whats best for them I hope thi helps e
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Re: Asking for help and advice
Sat, September 8, 2007 - 8:12 AMI hope you are documenting every time he stands the kids up, everytime he lies to them, and everytime he insults them. Get times and dates and if possible recordings/vids of the awful things he says/does. He's undoubtedly doing this to you, so you should do the same to him. Teach your kids to do some of this documentation too, like writing down the lies and insults with dates and times. If he ever hits them teach them to take pictures of the fresh brusies, and document, document, document.
Depending on your state laws, some states let older kids have a say, so I'd make sure about what your state says about kids rights in this issue. If your older kid at least has a say, it can help you, when the older kids flat out refuses to live with dad, and explains why. The fact that your ex is a cop makes it harder for you, because judges unfortunatly tend to believe cops even when they lie like a rug.
Blessings,
Moyrah -
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Re: Asking for help and advice
Sat, September 8, 2007 - 12:21 PMOk, firstly I am documenting every single thing! Also, the kids are going to be able to speak with the judge, and they're both going to tell him exactly how it is, the problem is that my husband knows the judge. I'm sure they're not having dinner at each other's houses, but he still may have an advantage.
My best hope for all of this is that two years ago, he signed paperwork in court saying that he agreed that my religious practices, and teaching them to the children, was in the children's best interest. He did this in front of the same judge. Also, my attorney is very agressive, and if it comes down to it, he's going to make this a very public case and the judge probably wont want to set some kind of legal precident.
I think I made a really good decision in having my little girl get therapy. In the sessions, she even told the therapist that she was afraid that her dad would cause her physical harm. Having her therapist testify will probably help considerably.
I suppose I'm just scared, no matter how prepared I am. -
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Re: Asking for help and advice
Sat, September 8, 2007 - 12:50 PMI can really offer no legal advice. I just wanted to offer my most heartfelt sympathies and my prayers are with you.
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Re: Asking for help and advice
Sat, September 8, 2007 - 12:54 PMAnother option is to have your attorney file a motion to have the judge challenged, i.e. replaced, due to the fact that your husband has a personal relationship with him - he knows him. Any good judge would recuse himself if he had personal ties/knowledge of a situation.
As far as all his threats, etc., that's the way guys play the game. They are losing control of the situation (and he's a cop, talk about a control job) and can't deal with it. Most of the threats and nastiness are a way to intimidate you and bring you back into line. Plus, if he gets the kids, he won't have to pay child support, you will. That is a big motivator, too.
Get an attorney who will play as dirty as he is. This is not a time to be nice and try to "settle amicably". You have to give yourself permission to do what needs to be done.
Barring outright abuse and unfit parenting issues, you have to be aware that it is quite normal for one parent to have primary custody (over 60% of the time) and share legal custody with the other (up to 39% of the time), with the kids spending liberal time with the non-custodial parent, especially if they live in the same town/area. The judge is likely to look at not taking the kids out of the schools that they are in, if one of the parents has moved out of that school neighborhood, etc.
I work in an attorney's office and have been thru this myself with an incompetent attorney. I know of what I speak.
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Re: Asking for help and advice
Sat, September 8, 2007 - 7:55 PMI want you to know that while anything can happen, some friends of mine went through something similar about five years ago, with younger children. My friends are a lesbian couple, and not only that, are (gasp, horror!) involved in BDSM. Friend A had custody of her two boys from a previous marriage. Friend B was almost an icon for the "bull dyke" look except much better dressed as she owns a small company. Friend A's ex-husband had found out about her lifestyle and figured that he could EASILY get custody of the kids with that kind of ammunition. They all lived in a small town. There are still very conservative small towns in California.
So, when they got to court, they had had several home visits from Children's Protective Services--all unannounced. The CPS representative had questioned the kids at length about Mommy's lifestyle, friend B, and how they acted around the kids. Both boys were adamant that the women were great parents, never did anything out of line with or two them, they did a lot of family style outings, etc. etc. And they also insisted they didn't want to live with daddy.
The father was flabbergasted that the CPS rep was in favor of leaving custody as it was. He was even more upset when the judge told him that his ex-wife's being a lesbian and practicing BDSM was none of his business until he could prove that the kids were being exposed to their sex life.
Judges are not always ultra conservative shit heads or old fogies. They really can be reasonable human beings.
Keep your faith in your attorney.
Domina
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Unsu...
Re: Asking for help and advice
Sat, September 15, 2007 - 5:34 PMHowdy Vashti - this has become a common theme - spouses trying to get custody because of the other spouse's practices in witchcraft. here's what I've learned from people who have been through this:
1. Get your lawyer to insist that the judge recuse himself, and if the judge refuses, cal for a mistrial.
2. Letting the kids speak to the judge helps a great deal in your favor.
3. The documentation of spouse's behavior counts a great deal as well.
4. Appearance. You have to appear mainstream america when you go to court - regardless of you being "out" take the jewlery off, leave the pentacle at home, dress business professional. Seriously. Appearance means too much to risk it.
5. the age of the children counts a great deal - in most states, 14 year olds are allowed to choose with whom they want to live in custody hearings.
You having the full custody and religious rights to choose your children's religion is also going to help you a great deal.
However.
You could get a judge- even if the first recuses himself - that is fully against your practices and could be biased against you.
One of the big things that might make a differnce is your employment. If you don't have a "suitable" part or full time job, the judge may take issue with you - and a lot of courts will not recognize online business as a legitimate and stable income no matter how well you are doing at it financially.
Your ex being a cop could be a problem for you.
I know that www.witchvox.com has a crack legal team on call just for cases like this. Go there and contact Wren, tell her what you told us. She will do anything and everything she can.
best of luck and you have my blessings - and above all, the kids have my blessings. This in not a fun time for any of you, except maybe the vindictive ex. -
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Re: Asking for help and advice
Sun, September 16, 2007 - 11:13 AMThank you all so much for your advice. I've spoken with my attorney regarding the judge, and he said that recusing him is just not an option. We would cause a stink, and probably get another judge that was immediately biased toward my husband just because we caused trouble. The current judge may not even be my ex's buddy...it's just what he's been saying to the kids (and himself) and may not be based in any kind of actual fact. Also, the judge has been very fair during my divorce and the subsequent custody hearing at that time when we decided on religious practices.
I had already planned to dress apropriately anyway. I'm not one of those pagans that dress for shock value, so I don't have a whole lot of black leather in my arsenal anyway. I've also read in several books that I'm going to be judged on being everyone's idea of the perfect mother. The judge's, any councellors, and social services as well. I'm prepared for that. My ex's wife is a cosmatologist...so my dress strategy is to be nice, and almost "churchy" with straight hair simply pulled back into a plain barret. No nail polish, no short skirts etc. That way, I appear to be spending all my time with my children, not time prepping myself with curling irons and makeup. I'm also pregnant, and my attorney said it will do wonders for my mommy-esque appearance lol.
Just 12 days left till court though, and I'm nervous. I suppose I'm mostly worried about having someone say that anything I do is harmful to my children. They're my whole life, and I would never hurt them!! Also, I consider my religious practices to be wholly loving and peaceful. I hate when folks think it's something dark or unnatural, because it's so far from the truth.
I'm discusted that I have to go through it at all, because it's obvious to everyone around that my ex really doesn't even want the kids. He's only doing this so that the other officers in his department, some friends and family will get the impression that he's a good father. It's really all for show. He even told the kids that he didn't expect to win at all, but he was doing it anyway. It's so cruel and unnecessary. -
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Unsu...
Re: Asking for help and advice
Sun, September 16, 2007 - 5:36 PMSucky people out there in the world.
You have my best - what we call "omph"- to get you through this. And you always have willing and sympathetic ears about willing to listen.
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